


Sadness isn't Earned

by The_small_one_to_rule_them_all



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angry Morality | Patton Sanders, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Deceit Sanders is a Good Friend, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Morally Neutral Deceit Sanders, Trans Morality | Patton Sanders, mentioned as something that didnt happen, which did happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:02:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23571274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_small_one_to_rule_them_all/pseuds/The_small_one_to_rule_them_all
Summary: Patton is upset, but they don't feel like they are allowed to feel this Bad. Deceit shows them that sadness isn't earned.
Relationships: Morality | Patton Sanders & Deceit Sanders
Comments: 8
Kudos: 53





	Sadness isn't Earned

**Author's Note:**

> Just fyi, Patton is nonbinary in this fic and uses they/them pronouns. They are also gay.  
> warnings:  
> \- mentions of trans/homophobia  
> \- mentions of religious bigotry/related emotions  
> \- dysphoria mention  
> \- food mention

Dee and Patton are hanging out at a park, just sitting and talking and watching the people. Patton occasionally asks the people who chose to come within earshot while walking a dog if they can pet them. Most times the owners agree and Dee sits there happily as Patton loves on the dogs. "They're so cute Dee! Aww you want a belly rub?!"

What was weird is that a dog just came within five feet of Patton and they didn't seem to notice. 

Deceit frowns as he notices Patton's far away look and furrowed brows, “What’s wrong Pat?”

Patton sighs. then they are quiet for so long that Dee doesnt think they are going to respond. He goes to change the subject when Patton softly admits, “Sometimes I daydream about moving away from home to live with friends and never talking to my parents again. And.... and it sounds fantastic.”

Dee hums, he is used to Patton's daily moral dillemas, though this one is a bit more grounded than the others. “I think that’s normal. Most people at some point want to leave home and never turn back. It just means you're ready to leave home”

“But... I'm not. I have such a good relationship with my parents. I dont want to leave and lose that.”

Deceit raises a single skeptical eyebrow, “Oh, really? It’s good? Because lately it doesn't sound too good.”

Patton huffs, “Maybe it isn't great and maybe I feel dysphoric all the time that i'm around them, but they care. They love me.”

Dee shakes his head, “No. They don't know the real you so they can't love that you. They love the idea of you that they have in their heads.”

Patton sighs, “Yeah maybe, but they’re trying so hard to make the house a safe place to be and I wish it was safer than it is because they deserve that much for how hard they try.”

“They have gotten back the results of what they’ve done. You aren't living with someone else over the summer. In the same way, they are bigoted and they will reap the results of that in due time.”

“But... I can't change their bigotry and it feels wrong to hurt someone over something I have no control over. If I do that then i'm no better than them.”

“ _O_ _h_ , you’re angry aren't you?” Dee realizes.

“Yeah.” Patton admits, “I'm angry. I'm angry at them for refusing to listen to me. I'm angry at them for refusing to believe me. I'm angry that they think their religion excuses their bigotry. I'm frustrated that they can't see how much they have hurt me. I'm sad that there is nothing I can do to fix it. I'm angry and sad and frustrated and just UGH!” Patton groans, puttting their head in their hands, “It would be so much simpler if they were worse to me. I almost wish they would do something like kick me out. Then at least I wouldn't feel so bad for not wanting to be around them.”

Dee is quiet for a moment, “You don't _really_ want things to be worse, and that wouldn't make this any easier if they were. No, I think you feel like you need something to justify the pain you are going through right now because you feel like what is happening shouldn’t hurt this bad. But Patton, this _sucks_ . The way your parents act and treat you about this makes _me_ hurt _for you_. This is bad and that is enough.”

“.... but”

Dee interrupts them, “Ah ah ah, listen. The idea that the good things cancel out the bad only applies to things like how much seasoning you put on overcooked food or getting to eat ice cream because you ate that one vegetable that you can't stand. That concept does _not_ apply to “my parents love me and do their best to raise me and aren't abusive or manipulative, but they’re bigoted towards queer people and refuse to accept me for who I am and have repeatedly hurt and invalidated me.” Your parent’s good qualities don't excuse their bigotry. Your good experiences with them in different areas don't invalidate the pain you’re in right now because of how they’ve treated you. The good things don't always soften the bad and the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good.”

Patton smiles softly, “You quoted that from Doctor Who.”

“I did.” Dee admits with a small smile, ‘Because he was right. Both good things and bad things are allowed to exist and it isn't a math equation that tells you if your life has been bad enough for you to feel upset. Life is so much more complicated than that Patton.. Bad is relative. Just because your bad seems small compared to someone else's doesn't make your bad disappear or hurt any less. You are allowed to feel sad right now without anything else happening.”

Patton is quiet for a long time. They sigh, "I feel really crappy right now."

"I know." he says wrapping an arm around their shoulders, "You want to talk about it, cry, or go get ice cream?"

They consider their options for a minute, "I want to go get Ice cream, go to your house and cry, and then talk about it... and maybe have a cookie after, in that order."

Dee nods, "Sounds like a plan. Let's go get that ice cream."

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic because i'm in the same place as Patton. I realized im having some self-destructive intrusive thoughts because my brain is convinced that not enough is happening for me to feel this sad. But it is wrong. To any of you who may be in a similar situation, just know that you are valid and your pain is real. You are allowed to feel sad no matter if anyone in your life has it worse. You are allowed to be sad, or angry, or disappointed. You don't need to be happy it isn't worse.


End file.
